How Young Can You Get?

I've been reading a lot of other people's personal blogs and visiting different kinds of forums, and what I couldn't help notice were these teenagers and their endless rants about how their life sucks and how much in a hurry they are to grow up. I've watched this movie called 17 Again and the main character, who was played by Zac Efron, said that when you're young everything feels like the end of the world, which I have to agree. I have ranted about how my life sucks a few years back, but the difference between those kids and me is that I never wished to grow up.

When you have been brought to a good life, it feels like you have so much problems when in reality you're the one who's really lucky. On the other side of that, those people brought up to witness horrible things only wishes for the reality to stop. When my life came crashing down, I only wanted to remain in my old perfect world. Things were normal then--there was no pain to feel but bits of cuts and bruises that goes away after a few hours.

What teenagers don't realize is that their life isn't as bad as they think, and if I had the chance to remain a kid forever I'd take it. It wasn't my choice to grow up early, life had decided that for me. Kids are lucky when they have someone to run to when they needed comforting, I didn't have that. It was the other way around.

It was a good thing that I've learned to become optimistic, nothing good will ever come if we dwell too much with our bad memories. That's why I try my best not to worry about things, it makes you feel old. I want to be as young as I can get, but not totally mental of course. Having fun isn't really such a bad thing even if you're world is falling apart. It helps heal the most painful wounds, all we have to do is let the pain go.

First Day Bore

Well, it's officially the beginning of the semester. I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. I was having so much fun not having to worry about waking up early or staying up late. I also loved not having to read books because I'm compelled to. Those were the good old days, if only my vacation could last a little longer I wouldn't be feeling this way.

Anyway, I just found out that I have 3 math subjects, and 2 of which had computer application. It doesn't make sense to me, and I do believe it never will. My future is dark enough and this had to happen. (x_x)

To make my life worse, I am forced to take a Filipino subject--which I have no problem failing. I could already imagine countless sleepless nights and studying hours. Ugh! Could it get any worse? Of course it can. I haven't actually met my professors yet. What a nightmare.

Made Something

I had some free time last semester and I decided to focus on crocheting. It's one of my hobbies. Anyway, I was messing around with some yarn and I wanted to make a headband. After getting half of it done I got a little lazy. So I turned it into a wristband instead. I got some extra buttons I've been wanting to use so I thought it would be perfect for this experiment. This is what I got.

 

I made other colors and my friends really liked it so I thought of selling them. So I made a few extra money with these. I'm thinking of selling them online but they kind of take a lot of time to make, so I'm thinking of just trying out new styles and selling them locally. It would be nice to sell them online though.

Come Away With Me

I see it. The world hidden in the deepest and darkest part of our mind. It screams a powerful cry, asking you to let it out. It calls you by your name. Won't you try not to look away?

I see it. The world hidden beneath what's real, inviting you to come in. I jump into the unknown, my mouth thirsting for adventure, and it finds me. Can you see it? Can you see beneath what's real?

My heart laughs as I dove in, eager to see more. I felt myself drowning deeper and deeper into what is only mine to see. How I wish for you to see it too. Won't you come away with me?

Would you like to see beneath what's real? Then set your worries free, and I will show you the depth of your dreams. I promise much delight, and you will want none but to stay.

Take my hand and come away, for we shall dive into the bright unknown. We shall seek what has once been lost in the darkest and deepest part of this hidden world.

Come away with me and let go.

I Do Believe In Fairies I Do I Do

I found an old DVD of the Peter Pan movie in my room last night. I was thinking that I needed a little doze of fairytale for the day so I watched it. The first time I saw the movie I thought: Peter Pan is cute (LOL). I think I was in high school that time. I haven't seen the movie after that, but I really loved it because of the boy who played Pan, Jeremy Sumpter.

Anyway, I was alone and bored. I watched the movie, studying it for some inspiration for my novel and I was like WOW. The story was really beautiful. I've never paid attention to it because I was too fixated on Jeremy. I still think he was cute in the movie and he played the role well. I also liked the girl who played Wendy, Rachel Hurd-Wood. She had a very lovely face.

Peter and Wendy's love story in the movie was remarkable. I actually felt heartbroken in the end. It was like Romeo and Juliet, except what kept them apart was their world and not their families. The romance was subtle but made an incredible impact on me.

I sort of wished it ended differently--that Wendy would choose to stay with Peter, but the fairytale didn't end that way. I guess the sad ending made it beautiful, but it got me hanging. I wanted to know what happens next and what Peter decided to do as Wendy continued to grow up.

I knew there were other movies that showed Peter ending up with Wendy's descendant but I think the Peter-Wendy tandem is much better. This movie made me see this fairytale in a new angle and I've considered it my favorite. I love it so much that I think it's better than Twilight.

I think I'll watch it again. I can't get enough of it. The only thing that I didn't like about it is that every time it'll end, it ends up breaking my heart.

First and Too Late

I didn't actually leave home for school at 3 AM. I left around 3:30. I got #1 on their lame numbering system. I'm still not happy about it. Lack of sleep makes me really cranky.

Anyway, it was dark and cold this morning so that pretty much added to my irritation, not to mention the long wait before they let us in. I'm wishing not to experience something like that, ever.

I can't really say that I'm happy being first. If it wasn't for this dumb system, I would've already encoded my schedule 2 days ago. What's more annoying is that one of the subjects I was hoping to take in advance was already closed. I can't stand their incompetency, this was their fault.

There's nothing I could do but to let out an exasperated sigh. It's not like I could really do anything about it. They're going to make me run in circles again just for nothing if I even tried. All I'm left with is this annoyance which might not fade until the first 2 weeks of school. What's the point of being first if it's too late. I wish karma would bite whoever implemented this system on the ass. They should experience the same thing. It's only fair.

System

I thought I was early when I went to school today to encode my class schedule. I was just about to enter the gate when I heard the security guard said that there were no numbers left to give out. It was only 8 A.M.

Just in case you're wondering, our school suddenly implemented this numbering system that only allows them to process about 800 students a day. Imagine how many college students are there, and we only had 5 weekdays before classes begin.

I hated this new system. A lot of students don't live as close and my fare money is limited. In addition to this burden was the storm-like weather we had to endure.

My school doesn't seem to care much for their students. Even during the storm Ondoy, they didn't even bother giving those who were stranded shuttle service to aid them from the flood. I consider this institution lazy, irresponsible, thoughtless, and unorganized.

This is not a hate note though. I just feel like I need to voice this out. They might have their reasons, but I doubt that it serves any of the students' interests. Now I'm left with no choice but to leave home around 3 A.M. and hope to be the first in line for their so called number system.

This morning I heard students talking about arriving to school at 5 A.M. Does the school even think about the danger their putting their students in with this new system? Who knows what kind of psychopath is out there waiting for an opportunity like this. I doubt the school would even take responsibility if anything bad happens. I'm guessing they'll only change the system when something goes BADLY WRONG. It'll be too late by then.

It's annoying when you see systems like these in my country. Even the government operates the same way. They implement faulty systems and doesn't seem to think things through before executing it. Then something goes horribly wrong and that's the only time they'll do something about it. They will publicize implementing a new and efficient system to show everyone what heroes they are and I'm left to say "Now you start thinking." when it's already too late and the damage they're preventing had already occur.

All in all, I'm not very happy with the way they're running things around here. Everyone wants change but fails to fight for it. One thing I'm sure about though is that we need smart selfless people who would put the public's well-being first than just let them deal with irritating faulty systems. Think people, think.

Issue Resolved

Yay! Got my computer fixed. Now the hard part is getting all my files. I got my novel stored up in my flash drive, but I'm not sure if I can continue as of the moment. I'm still bitter from the fact that I spent P350 for nothing. I could buy a box of pizza with that. What a shame. *sigh*

Not sure where to go from here. I need cash and I'm considering working in a call center again. It's a death wish I know but what are my other options? Jobs are so scarce here, even adults resulted to begging.

Anyway, I'm happy that my computer is fixed. I can start putting my life together again ( XD so dramatic).

Idle

My novel writing days have come to a halt as my computer remains unfixed. I have to keep track of my ideas so I wouldn't forget the main theme of the story. I'm wishing for things to look up after today, but the weather seems to imply a bad omen.

It wouldn't be bad if luck decided to smile back at me. I mean I'm already broke, but fate seems to want to squeeze out every single cent from me. I have a reason to believe that this novel shouldn't be written. It does hold too much secrets. But it will give people a new thought to think about. The definition of the thin line between fantasy and reality.

Anyway, I'm just writing to keep everyone updated with my novel. I just wish I don't feel as idle.

Tweet

I love twitter. It makes you feel like you're connecting with the rest of the world. For those of you who don't know what twitter is, it's actually a micro blogging website. You basically post brief shout outs and people who follow you will be able to see it. It's like the facebook wall, but here you don't need friend requests to follow someone.

It's a great place to gain different information like news and current events. I mostly follow celebrities to get an idea what their lives are like. It's amazing that they still have time to tweet with all that work they do. I'm currently following Oprah, The Ellen Show, Peter Facinelli (Carlisle Cullen), Ashley Greene (Alice Cullen), Adam Lambert, Josh Groban, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Barack Obama, and Billy Burke (Chief Charlie Swan). I'm also following a local celebrity Charice Pampengco.

Anyway, if you happen to drop by the site and decide to create an account, feel free to add me to your following list. Here's my twitter profile. aniahx

I will follow those who follow me. It's a very fun and addictive activity. You'll know what I mean once you start tweeting. ^_^ See you there.

Abused

There are many evil people in this world, as much as I hate to admit it. They take, giving you the impression that they're returning something back. It's a lie though. Opportunities are much welcomed by those who swims in greed. What's worse is that those people who tries to be honest becomes corrupted with the hatred they have created. They too will swim in greed, becoming selfish to protect themselves from this abusive world.

We try to see this world as a beautiful place, making most of what we can. But in reality it's ugly. An endless sea of masks covering the hideous lie beneath their thick skins. There's so much hatred in this world...But we refuse to see it.

Why do we hope? Is there anything good to hope for? Is there really such a thing as a bright and happy future? Or is this a lie we tell ourselves to make all the ugliness go away? This world is ugly and we know it. Even the beautiful things eventually turns ugly.

They will take, and take, and take, until there's nothing left. And they won't give anything back.

Unblocked

I finally managed to write chapter two, though when I looked back and read chapter one I sort of felt bored with it. It had too much unnecessary information. I'm thinking of probably cutting it down and insert bits and pieces of it in the story, but I think I would have to write all the chapters first before I do that. I would most likely add a different scene, but I couldn't figure out what yet.

I can't say I'm in the zone at the moment. I'm having real difficulty constructing scenes for chapter three. I will find a way to get by this problem once I regained enough energy. It's really late right now, though my mind works exceptionally well during these hours. They had a name for writers like me in storywrite.com. I believe it's night owl writers. I've already considered myself as a night owl even before I discovered that.

The ideas flow every now and then, and I have to be really careful not to get off my original plot. The whole purpose of writing this story will be pointless if I get sidetracked for even the slightest detail in the scene. It was a good thing that I had my friend from America read the chapters. He pointed out obvious errors that I needed to revise, though revising at this moment would be a bad idea. It will throw off my momentum. I just made notes of it so I won't forget. I should have just asked him from the beginning to save myself the trouble.

Managing writer's block is not easy, but it's possible to overcome. I'd like to think of it as mind over matter. I just disregarded what's keeping me from writing and just wrote until no ideas were left. Then I took bits and pieces out and tied the rest together. Clustering also helps, but I prefer daydreaming. So finally my writer's block has been unblocked.

Post Secret

Not As Easy Anymore

I've been having difficulty finding the will to write my novel. I'm guessing it's because I have so much free time now. I read a book on creative writing and a chapter that discusses writer's habits got my attention.

According to the book, writer's have different writing habits and they sometimes can't just write even if they feel like it. An example would be mine.

I realized that the pressure of lack of time helps me think clearer. I had classes during the day, and lots of piled up homework and notes that needed to be reviewed for pop quizzes. These things compel me to make use of my limited time to write. That's how I was able to write more than 8,000 words of the book.

It's just a start but it's a big leap for me. I can't remember the last time that I've even made it to 2,000 words. The whole idea just dies by the time I've written about 1,700 words.

So I'm thinking my two weeks vacation isn't really going to help me finish the first two chapters of my novel. But I've thought of a way to get by that. I need to keep myself busy, like finish that book on creative writing.

It might or might not help me, but it's the only thing that would keep my mind on the story. I need to think a lot to keep my brain creatively active.

So that's my plan. I just hope I can stick to it.

Safe

I kept looking over my shoulder, always thinking that someone might suddenly sneak up on me and take my stuff, or worse. I'm not as cautious during the day though. It's unlikely someone would sneak up on anyone with a number of audiences ready to point their fingers.

But this time it was different. The sun was gone and there isn't much light on the street. It takes less than ten minutes reach my house. I should be one of those smart people and get a ride home, but I didn't see the need for it. I wanted to walk home. It helps me think.

It wasn't the wisest decision though--not for someone as vulnerable as me. I could easily disappear on the street for a brief moment, if anyone dared to take me. But somehow I felt brave and strong, and like most stupid girls, I ignored the danger.

As I reached halfway home, the street grew quiet. Another glance over my shoulder and I caught sight of the pending danger approaching. There was a silhouette following behind me. He was three times bigger than I was, and was strong enough to suppress my cry if I decided to fight back.

My pace quickened, hoping to quickly reach the safety of the light from the church ahead. But I couldn't walk as fast. The ground was muddy and my vision could not see well in the dark. I was afraid I might fall into one of the holes that was supposed to cover the canals. But I made it.

I didn't bother looking back. I went through the shortcut by the church, until I reached the houses. Luckily people were still awake, pacing in front of their houses, enjoying the cool night air.

I slowed down, knowing that the danger was gone. I smiled thinking that it was probably nothing. I was just paranoid. There wasn't any real danger, but I was just being cautious.

When I reached my house. I let myself fall on the couch, letting out a deep sigh. I'm home now, and I'm safe.

Inescapable

I've dwelt into so many thoughts in my head, not really knowing what I'm searching for. An unknown question continues to linger as it drains everything from me, causing me endless longing for something I cannot attain from this world.

The dark path I'm heading seems safer than the easy one. The dark and difficult path is the right place to walk on to. The right way; the one that is not truly pleasing and beautiful. But the wrong path pleases your eyes like a shiny red fruit--luscious yet poisonous. It is very much...inviting. Nonetheless this beautiful path leads to death quicker.

This longing grows stronger by the day, and as each minute passes I feel myself slipping away--becoming more...empty. The hole in my chest grows wider, and it takes everything to fill in what's missing, but none would fit. Nothing will fill that hole--nothing in this world, that is.

The missing piece is known, but the search for it is endless. My last breath, if life has been lived righteously, shall open the gates to contentment. The endless happiness will welcome me with open arms. But as time is present and age is unavoidable, the long journey on the dark path will not cease on one soul.

The world will grow divided by the two paths. A destiny within my grasp depends on the choice that will show revelations of truth. Though tongues will be twisted by crooked beliefs, the choice will not change what is written for those who goes the wrong and beautiful way.

If one breathes his last breath it will not end life itself. The birth of a new eternity will reveal after the flesh closes its eyes for the last time. This is the fate written. An inescapable truth, and time does not stay in one soul for long. Age will not be forever. The endless battle for freedom to control one's breath will only bring one closer to death.

It's Promising

I needed to stop writing for a week. I have my finals coming up. I've got a lot of good feedback from the set of people I've sent my prologue to. They boosted up my confidence, although I knew it still needs polishing, and I need to do more research.

I'm also hoping that I could keep their minds interested in the story. The message I'm trying to present in it might not be easily accepted by the audience. I also fear that they may misunderstand it, and see things the other way around. I want to avoid that.

Overall, the novel's progress seems promising. But since I have college stuff and all, I don't have that much time to write it. I still have the first chapter brewing in my head, and I am confident that the outcome will be great. I love my characters, and I hope my audience will love them too.

Drowning In Words

After I read the whole Twilight series, I decided to write a novel. I'm trying to be brave about it. I've never given much thought on writing novels again. It requires too much work. But after a week of nothing but Twilight, my brain sort of malfunctioned.

After a night of having Bella's voice in my head, my mind decided to narrate everything I did. I couldn't control it. It was disturbing. I never thought that Twilight would have such a strong effect on me. So I decided since my brain won't stop describing everything my eyes land on, I would write a novel.

I actually had a few ideas that was rotting in my files for years. I wasn't brave enough to write them. English isn't my first language, and I have difficulty describing stuff. But after reading Twilight, Stephenie made me understood what was missing in my writing style. Passion.

I don't love the art enough, so I struggle with it. But after Stephenie reminded me the beauty of the written world, I fell in love it. I was able to appreciate it more, and I was thankful that I was given this gift to express my thoughts and ideas.

I love Stephenie Meyer's writing style. I wish I could personally thank her.

Aniah, Aniah, Aniah

My name doesn't stand out as much anymore. I feel like every time I google my name, the number of Aniah's on earth increases. This shouldn't really affect me, but I find it a bit irritating, because I'm used to being told that I have an interesting name--unique.

I went to the school library, and when the librarian saw my ID she said: "She has the same name as my baby girl." Then I thought she probably got the idea from my name. So far, I'm the only girl there with the name Aniah. Then I checked out friendster and facebook. Aniah's are everywhere.

I want to stand out somehow. I figured it helps that my name isn't so common--well not anymore. It sounds silly, but I feel like I've been robbed or something. It's not really identity theft, a lot of people have the same names, but I'm still disappointed.

I feel like I'm being a baby at the moment. I guess I just have to look at this at a different perspective. I just have to figure out what that perspective is. I mean, I surely don't want to hate every Aniah's out there, that would be really ridiculous and stupid. For now, I would just have to accept this change. I mean, it's not like it's a bad thing--as long as it doesn't become a hooker name--or any other name type that would stain it--then I'm okay with it for now.

Unexpected Twilight Fan

I should be studying right now. But I can't keep my mind focused. Every time I try to read from my textbook, the words seem to dissolve, and my mind would play from one thought to another. My thoughts had a specific subject though. It's about Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga.

Yes, I admit. I've become one of her victims, captivated and consumed by her vampire story. I shouldn't be open to the subject at all--about vampires I mean--but my curiosity emerged after I've finished reading Breaking Dawn. I'm not allowed to entertain such thoughts knowing the consequences they hold, but I couldn't help being mesmerized by the way the author painted the characters. They seem so real.

They are probably more real to Stephenie. But what amazes me about her
is her ability to make the rest of us believe it too. I never understood Bella in the movie. It was probably because I couldn't really see through her point of view. But when I read the first book I finally get her, and I felt myself feeling everything she felt almost as if I was her. Silly isn't it? But who wouldn't want to be in her place, knowing how Edward felt about her? Such love could only exist in a girl's fantasies--in a fairy tale she had dreamed from childhood. A prince, sweeping her off her feet, breathless. And even more, this prince, an immortal who is strong and overprotective, and unquestionably romantic--not to mention gorgeous-- is madly in love with his princess. The perfect man, who is unfortunately not human. A vampire, a myth. Such a perfect man could not exist in this world. But how lucky for Bella to have someone like him.

Stephenie's words in Twilight was as clear as a painting. I experienced a moment when I was only seeing scenes rather than words. It's an amazing experience. I wasn't surprised that I was instantly addicted. I love reading good books, but this was even better. I've never read such a clear description of everything. I didn't even need to use my imagination to fill in the details. It’s like she experienced the whole thing and just recorded every moment.

Then came the part when I finished the story. Every scene played in my head like I was watching a movie over and over. I was consumed by it's entirety--the story, the romance, the characters, the scenes--it was enough to keep me away from reality. I knew I wasn't contented by the ending, I wanted more from it--I wanted to know what happens next. Surely other readers weren't really satisfied with 'they lived happily ever after'. Bella and Edward have forever and I wish the story would continue to that--though I know that's unlikely.

To have forever. This thought played in my head, and I was suddenly envious. Who wouldn’t want forever with someone they loved? Better yet, who wouldn't want forever with someone like Edward? To be taken care of by someone so madly in love with you, knowing within yourself how too good he is for you, is simply a piece of heaven on earth. I've never seen how truly beautiful love is until I read this story. In my mind I couldn't help but wish to experience that kind of love too. But as humans we have our flaws, and such love stories only exists in our minds and in books.

Forever. I thought. How I wish time doesn’t exist. Twilight seemed to have made me hopeful, but I know better, yet I don't seem to listen to my own reasoning. The love I have for this story is unbelievably insane for me. I never wanted to entertain such unreal thoughts, but I knew from the moment I read the book that there was no way for me to turn back.

I usually find myself sighing, more deeply than necessary. I imagine myself being part of the story. Being part of Bella and Edward's world--not as Bella of course,as some girls might wish, but as a friend of theirs who's in on the adventure. I sometimes catch myself smiling foolishly at these thoughts. It reminded me how unhealthy for my mind to welcome such fantasies, but I felt happy in them, almost content--if only they were real.

I'm a little anxious though. I'm not really sure how this will go for me--to what extent this will affect me. I can't really say that I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one who wishes to exist in this fictional world, but for now this seems safe. I don't think I'm crossing any lines--I don't think I'm insane yet. So maybe it's okay, to let Twilight get to me. Maybe it's okay to dream of such characters. But that's only a maybe. I guess controlling my thoughts is entirely up to me. Wish me luck with that.