Why do I blog? At first I thought keeping a blog is a great way to express yourself. Then later on it sort of felt like blogging is just a way of telling people that you're hoping what you say matters to everybody else. After that I figured I'd make some money out of it, but in the end I just stopped caring.
But why do I still keep this blog? I really don't know. I guess it's just a good place to vent out. It's my own personal space that's made public (which seems funny to me).
This is just a random thought. Nothing important.
I named this one Damien, 'coz the brush I used for the green circles came from a guy named Damien, I think.
Anyway, just practicing for discovering techniques, but I don't think there's much improvement. Maybe I should really invest on a better tablet... Or maybe I should just go to art school, (but that's unlikely to happen, hmph! -dream slowly fades-)
Sometimes when I think a lot, it seems like my world becomes smaller. Ever noticed that when you spend more time doing one thing everything just revolves around it? It happens at any age I guess.
When I was a little girl, I was trapped in a fantasy world where what matters above all is to play and have fun, and I just see the entire world as a playground. Then when I became a teenager and puberty sank in, my mind was wrapped around crushes and making friends. What mattered to me was looking good and getting noticed. Then college came along with minor changes with my thinking. I buried my mind with thoughts of becoming successful and all I did was study my butt off. Of course, I still socialized but I was consumed by my dreams that everything I did had to do something with achieving just that. And right now, I just want to write and that's all I can think about.
The world becomes smaller as you focus too much in something, and I can't help but wonder if that's a good thing.
I feel like the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. I'm late for something, but I can't figure out what that something is. I've been having this feeling since last year. It's like something is telling me to hurry, and right now I feel like the clock is ticking a little louder than usual.
I have to finish it. I have to finish the book--or books. It made me wonder if this was the reason why I was given a gift to write and draw. Was it really to send out this message?
It's funny how paranoia creeps on you when you spend most of your time alone, seeing the world through a monitor. But even if I try to be normal and go out like everybody else, when the world stops for a second, I could still hear the clock ticking.
I'm late, I'm late for a very special date...
I want to study art or writing, whichever is available, but instead I'm stuck calculating money. I don't like it, so why bother? I'm planning on getting a job and pay for classes in the process... I'm not really sure if I could do that though... I'm guessing I might flunk a few subjects this semester, I don't have the heart to work hard for a good grade anymore. It's just that I don't want to be computing numbers for the rest of my life. I need creativity! So why bother?
Okay so here I am writing something else when I should be focused on writing my novel more. I swear I want to beat myself up for procrastinating.
The thing is, I'm having Kyle issues at the moment and I'm not sure if my choices for his character's actions would cause my readers to hate him. I don't want them to hate Kyle! But anyway, I was actually at that part of my chapter when I just stopped writing and told myself, I'm not really sure if I should be going in this direction. After that I turned my computer off and did the only thing I could. I daydreamed and wrote notes and played with the idea in my head.
Everything was okay, I was able to handle the obstacles it's just that...I can't write it. It's stupid actually. How can I not write something I can write?The information is there, everything has fallen into place, but for the past week all I've done was just re-read the chapter and just stare at the blank space at the end of the page. I can't do it and I can't figure out why I'm so afraid to touch the subject. And with that in mind, I feel like the world of The Hunger is getting smaller by the day.
Is being a writer really healthy? I mean, being able to finish a chapter is really rewarding. It makes me feel good about myself but once I get to the point where I can't really write anything, I feel like I've bestowed upon myself this huge problem that wasn't even supposed to exist if I had decided not to write in the first place. The whole idea of wanting to write something, but not wanting to write it had put this heavy weight on my shoulders that every time I would sit in front of the computer this weight would become heavier and my mind would be blocked by an invisible wall, hindering me from continuing to the next paragraph of the story.
Is there like a degree of writer's block? Some writers actually seek therapy to cure this appropriate term for laziness that I was considering of doing the same. But alas, living in this country limits any benefits a normal person should have. So the only thing left for me to think of is how to break the invisible wall and just get the writing over with.
I love writing ever since I was a little girl. It's my second favorite hobby. The first one is drawing, since I liked this longer. I've been a baby writer since I can remember and the reason why I don't have the courage to call myself a real writer is because of the lack of experience.
Many people call themselves writers because they write stories, poems, essays, etc. But there are some, like me, who only wants to write one thing--a novel. Now I have lots ideas for a novel and the first chapters of those ideas are collecting dust in some envelope in my room. The reason why I can't claim myself as a writer is because I haven't really finished any story, ever.
I have written dozens of stories with beginnings but no ends and I'm a bit worried that after a few years I might still be like this. Writing a novel is difficult for many, and I'm one of those many people who struggles to find the right words to communicate exactly what I want my readers to picture. I believe every writer makes their own rules on what style they'll use for every novel, but what hinders me is the general rule that most people use to categorize a work as a good story.
So here I am wondering if it's all right to call myself a writer when I have nothing to show to claim such title. What does it take to be a writer anyway? As long as you write, you're a writer? But isn't that the same as saying as long as you can take pictures, you're a photographer? I know a lot of people don't agree with that.
So how can you really say that you're a writer?
Been digging up on some of the stories I wrote back when I was still in high school and I'm thinking of continuing some once I'm done with The Hunger. I made Sims 2 edits to inspire me.
I got bored with writing the novel and I'm thinking of letting it rest for a while. So while I'm refreshing my mind I decided to work on my other project. I used to be a Wonderland Online (WLO) player and we have this guild named Heart, and I told my guild leader that I want to create a Manga about our guild. So I started practicing drawing some characters. Here's some of them. I'll post the others once I'm done. ^_^
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