Unexpected Twilight Fan

I should be studying right now. But I can't keep my mind focused. Every time I try to read from my textbook, the words seem to dissolve, and my mind would play from one thought to another. My thoughts had a specific subject though. It's about Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga.

Yes, I admit. I've become one of her victims, captivated and consumed by her vampire story. I shouldn't be open to the subject at all--about vampires I mean--but my curiosity emerged after I've finished reading Breaking Dawn. I'm not allowed to entertain such thoughts knowing the consequences they hold, but I couldn't help being mesmerized by the way the author painted the characters. They seem so real.

They are probably more real to Stephenie. But what amazes me about her
is her ability to make the rest of us believe it too. I never understood Bella in the movie. It was probably because I couldn't really see through her point of view. But when I read the first book I finally get her, and I felt myself feeling everything she felt almost as if I was her. Silly isn't it? But who wouldn't want to be in her place, knowing how Edward felt about her? Such love could only exist in a girl's fantasies--in a fairy tale she had dreamed from childhood. A prince, sweeping her off her feet, breathless. And even more, this prince, an immortal who is strong and overprotective, and unquestionably romantic--not to mention gorgeous-- is madly in love with his princess. The perfect man, who is unfortunately not human. A vampire, a myth. Such a perfect man could not exist in this world. But how lucky for Bella to have someone like him.

Stephenie's words in Twilight was as clear as a painting. I experienced a moment when I was only seeing scenes rather than words. It's an amazing experience. I wasn't surprised that I was instantly addicted. I love reading good books, but this was even better. I've never read such a clear description of everything. I didn't even need to use my imagination to fill in the details. It’s like she experienced the whole thing and just recorded every moment.

Then came the part when I finished the story. Every scene played in my head like I was watching a movie over and over. I was consumed by it's entirety--the story, the romance, the characters, the scenes--it was enough to keep me away from reality. I knew I wasn't contented by the ending, I wanted more from it--I wanted to know what happens next. Surely other readers weren't really satisfied with 'they lived happily ever after'. Bella and Edward have forever and I wish the story would continue to that--though I know that's unlikely.

To have forever. This thought played in my head, and I was suddenly envious. Who wouldn’t want forever with someone they loved? Better yet, who wouldn't want forever with someone like Edward? To be taken care of by someone so madly in love with you, knowing within yourself how too good he is for you, is simply a piece of heaven on earth. I've never seen how truly beautiful love is until I read this story. In my mind I couldn't help but wish to experience that kind of love too. But as humans we have our flaws, and such love stories only exists in our minds and in books.

Forever. I thought. How I wish time doesn’t exist. Twilight seemed to have made me hopeful, but I know better, yet I don't seem to listen to my own reasoning. The love I have for this story is unbelievably insane for me. I never wanted to entertain such unreal thoughts, but I knew from the moment I read the book that there was no way for me to turn back.

I usually find myself sighing, more deeply than necessary. I imagine myself being part of the story. Being part of Bella and Edward's world--not as Bella of course,as some girls might wish, but as a friend of theirs who's in on the adventure. I sometimes catch myself smiling foolishly at these thoughts. It reminded me how unhealthy for my mind to welcome such fantasies, but I felt happy in them, almost content--if only they were real.

I'm a little anxious though. I'm not really sure how this will go for me--to what extent this will affect me. I can't really say that I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one who wishes to exist in this fictional world, but for now this seems safe. I don't think I'm crossing any lines--I don't think I'm insane yet. So maybe it's okay, to let Twilight get to me. Maybe it's okay to dream of such characters. But that's only a maybe. I guess controlling my thoughts is entirely up to me. Wish me luck with that.