Anime-Inspired

I've watched lots of animes lately and inspiration started bursting out. I managed to finish chapter four of my story. Yay!

Anyway, I'm tired and out of blood, so I'll rest for a bit. I got some stuff to do tomorrow anyway. Wish me luck. Hopefully my creative juices won't run out. ^_^

Yield Avenue "Tungkol Sa Pangarap"

The lead singer is a good friend of mine, and we used to go to the same high school. I've seen them perform live and they totally rock! This is one of their music videos. I love this song. Some of you might not understand it because it's in Tagalog, but for those Filipinos out there, I present to you YIELD AVENUE!

My Lame Drawings

I wanted to practice portrait and anime drawing. I still need more practice. These illustrations aren't good enough.

 

 

Looking For Tinkerbell

I've been really busy with college stuff that my mind has become too tired to make use of my imagination. I can't picture the scenes for my novel. If only I have more time to relax, but I'm having a hard time keeping up with my major that I can't even think of relaxing. "Just three more years," I kept reminding myself--it's not very encouraging actually.

I need to place myself in Neverland, or some deep fantasy world to unleash my imagination. Movies help but I don't have time to watch one. "Just three more years..." But I'm not really sure if I want to be an accountant. I just like how much they're earning, but I don't like what they do to earn it. It's too much stress for my taste, and that's not good for creativity.

Where is my muse, my fairy, my Tinkerbell?

Do-Over

Isn't the new year supposed to give you a chance to have a fresh start? It's like a the moment when you press the reset button so you can pretend that everything that went wrong can be fixed. There's really no way to start over, you just have to start something new. But what if you get so caught up in the past that you don't really know which direction to go?

I don't really know where to begin. I know what is important to me, but right now I feel like I'm in a maze and I don't know how to get to where I'm going. What's worse is that I simply can't stop to think things through. The world moves with or without me. I'm amazed by how many people can ignore this situation. They make it seem so easy, and to me they all seem so much stronger. Why can't I be like them? I have that choice, but it's difficult to just change.

I'm completely lost. Everything doesn't seem to make sense, and I'm tired of trying to understand everything, but I have to. I have dreams. It's easier for someone who doesn't have dreams to let something like this go. My mind is simply clouded, and one thing I've noticed is that when I'm in my house, these thoughts and feelings heighten. What is with this place. I wish I could just get away. I don't want to stay here.

Simple Update

It's been weeks since I posted anything. I have a lot to say but I don't want to tell them. The past few weeks had been crazy I'm still trying to get back on my feet.

I'm trying not to get in touch with my emotions 'coz it seems to be running my life, which is not good.

I'm happy that I'm still getting a lot of good feedback on my novel even if I can't figure out what to write next. I think I'll work on it tomorrow while I'm doing laundry. It's time to get chapter three to five posted on storywrite.com...

Anyway, this would be one of my shortest posts. I still got so much stuff to deal with, and it's nearly Christmas, which worries me. I'll get back here when I have time and hopefully with something exciting to tell. LOL.

An Obsession

Dear Sean,

I don’t know how to admit to myself this, but I think I’m falling for him, and I seriously don’t want to. I feel like I’m not supposed to. I feel like he doesn’t want me to. I’ve never been actually asked by a guy I liked to just be friends. It seems impossible. Can you really be friends with someone you like and not expect more?

I don’t know where I stand. Should I expect more? I can’t ask myself to let go. It’s too difficult. I feel at peace around him, and I feel dead without him. I feel like it’s too much. I feel that I should stop. If I don’t I’ll end up bleeding again. I don’t want to get hurt—not again—not anymore.

I hate feeling now. It seems dangerous, but I found my drug. He’s my drug, but I don’t think he can really ever be mine. I’m scared Sean, really scared. I’m jumping off the cliff again, but this time I’m sure I’ll get hurt. But how come I can’t bring myself to care what happens to me? Why do I allow myself to get hurt? This is crazy isn’t it?

I’m trying to fight the feeling. I’m trying not feel. But Sean, I’m not sure how long I can hold on. I’m starting to lose control—to lose grip of all that makes sense. Help. I don’t want to feel anymore.

Fast Week

I remembered saying that I'll be updating what happened to our awesome party last, last Saturday, but apparently that wasn't the end of it. I never expected the party chains that followed after that, so I've been so drunk the whole week that I can't remember much of anything. LOL.

It's been ages since I got drunk stupid, and when I say stupid, I mean STUPID. I'm a talker once alcohol sinks in. There was this guy who I really liked, and I totally spilled my heart out to him. LMAO. Talk about embarrassment, I had no idea how to face him the next day. Aside from that, I threw up--and good thing not on him. I would probably die of shame. XD.

But good thing that didn't turn him off. I swore off alcohol a few days after that. We'll have another reunion after Christmas. I'm looking forward to it. Everything's almost planned out.

Right now, I'm wishing that time would slow down a bit. I can't keep up with my thoughts. Everything's moving so fast. But it feels fun. I feel like I'm alive again. ^_^