Still Looking For Answers

Ever experienced knowing exactly where you should go but have no clue how to get there? That's me right now. I've just began learning new things to get some questions answered and so far I still need to ask for directions.

Yesterday I got teased at class because I speak and sound American during introductions. Before I would've felt embarrassed but now I really feel sorry for those people. They make fun of their own insecurities and it just shows how clueless they are of what's really important. They probably thought I was showing off, but I'm just really more comfortable speaking in my second language. They will never amount to anything if they continue to think that knowing more is laughable. They're still in the little cocoon of college, ignorant of the outside world called life.

So I sound a little bitter about the whole thing, because I'm appalled at how education is wasted on those who  do not strive to improve themselves. College is supposed to be fun, but it's also a place where you learn the extent of your abilities. I was glad I was given a second chance to learn that.

When I got back home I was staring at my computer, trying to recollect the things I've done and accomplished for the year. It was pretty good, compared to the previous years. But I realized I was still in the circle, trapped in a race that never ends. When I graduate and get a job, what next? Save up and hope for the best? That could take years and possibly a lifetime. I want out of the circle, and the only way for that to happen is if I find the right answers.

Sometimes I think I'm the problem. Maybe I was asking the wrong questions, or maybe the answers are there but I chose not to listen because they're not what I wanted to hear. I think many people go through the same thing. We all wonder if there's really more to life than just waking up in the morning and settling for what we have but are afraid to face the answers. Unfortunately, the only people who find the way out of the endless race are those who are brave enough to take risks. I never believe opportunities knock on doors. They don't grow legs and come running to you. We find opportunities and if we can't we make them.

I always had this feeling that I was born for something big. People like me are thrown rocks at by cynics and are believed to be delusional, but I never stopped thinking that I can't do something just because people say I can't. I was blessed with a mind that's capable of creating so many things that my entire life isn't enough time to make all of them happen. But what's missing are the information to increase my knowledge on how to get these ideas done. The education I'm getting is not enough. School only teaches us about textbook knowledge but never provide us the experience.

I never learned anything from school about writing. Maybe because, my teachers weren't really writers. I learned writing from the internet and it's the same with everything else I know. It made me wonder whether I'm investing money at the right place. If college hasn't taught me anything then what's the use for it? I hated my country for having this old belief that you're only competent if you have a college degree. Even degree holders can't communicate as well as I do. I'm not bragging. I'm just pointing out that the whole employment system in my country is stupid.

I once found a job ad saying that you need to be a degree holder to do a typing job--a freaking typing job! My little nieces and nephews could do that. It's very disappointing that our skills here are measured by a piece of paper and not by our actual performance. Anyway, I feel like a mad scientist trying to create a formula that will get me out of the trap I'm in. Maybe I'll get to invent something, but for now it's going to take me a lot of research to answer one simple question: how?