Emo Mode = Writing Gold

I'm more creative if I'm miserable. It's a fact. I can't write because I don't feel...deep enough about anything. I'm not in love, or heartbroken. Emotions make me write great things--mostly disturbing things, but they're still good. I wish there was a substitute for it. I don't want to go back to my emo phase.

Love and misery is a great formula for dark creativity. I like writing dark stories...and I want to write again.

Eventually

Well, it seems that I'm back to my old summer habits--sitting in front of the TV the entire day while typing some senseless crap until I get my muse back. I keep asking myself several random questions hoping that if I ask myself enough I'll eventually figure it out. I should really learn to unwind, I seem to have forgotten how.

My headache have gotten worse. It should mean I should rest, but with all the sugar I've been consuming I doubt I can sleep. So now I'm watching Freaky Friday. It used to be one of my favorite movies but every time I see Lindsay Lohan I get mixed feelings about it.

Thinking...thinking... I should stop thinking. I should stop trying so hard to answer questions, they'll eventually be answered--maybe sooner if I wasn't thinking so hard. Everything is temporary, I'm not going to be in this situation forever. Eventually I'm not going to want so many things. Eventually I'm not going want the same things. Eventually I will change.

Hit Pause and Replay

There are still some part of my old self that I wish I could go back to. People know me for my love of writing but somehow I don't think that's me anymore. I don't know how I ended up losing that side of me and I feel like my heart had completely moved on to something else. Is it because I'm a girl and I'm prone to changing my mind all the time? I don't think that's the case. Maybe it's because no matter how clear I see myself and my future, I still don't really know what I want.

I'm still young, and I still have my whole life to figure out what I want--that's what my mom told me. But how do we know for sure if I'll still have the time? Life is short as they say, and I don't like waiting for answers. So what do I do?

I keep a journal and write on it once in a while. In it I saw how happy I was just writing, and how crazy I've become when I discovered JYJ. I don't regret any of it though. I met a lot of wonderful people along the way, but maybe it's time for me to take a moment and see where this is leading me. Being a fan girl is great but where will it get me? When I go back to my life before JYJ, I had ambitions that are crafted for myself, now I feel like my ambitions are solely for them. I don't like that. It's like having a boyfriend and being a slave of love--something I swore off from for the time being. I love JYJ but I think it would be best for me to take a step back and check on my emotions for them and draw a line from being a crazy fan girl to just a fan girl.

Their fans and their love of music is the reason why they sing. What's my reason for writing? I'm going back to where I was before I knew them, maybe I'll find what I need to figure out what's missing. As beautiful as JYJ are, they don't know who I am, and I'm not saying goodbye to them, but maybe I need to keep a safe distance. I would love to go back and love writing again. Maybe this is my last chance to regain that. I only have less than two years left for myself before I go back to the real world. I'm going to make most of it.

Enrolled

Finally ready for second semester with a new schedule and a new challenge. But did you know enrolling in my college is the most dreaded event by students every year? Never have I experienced such time consuming process in getting enrolled. Other colleges just requires you to fall in line at least twice and that's it. But in my college, they created a system specially designed to torture students.

First of all, there's the whole database that never gets updated. I was about to encode my classes when a pop-out from the system told me my file was blocked and I had to see the dean. I had no problem with that if I didn't get there an hour early and I didn't have to fall in line and be directed to different departments, who obviously didn't know how to do their jobs even if they've worked there forever. I had to talk to so many people who provided me with useless information, which was my second problem.

My third problem was that for every person I had to talk to, it would take them an hour to actually assist me, because aside from supposedly doing their job, they never neglect gossiping and laughing with their co-workers while on duty, while the rest of us are waiting on them to finish a task that could be done in less than 5 minutes. The school would be more productive if they replace those old mean hags with younger and dedicated people.

I think I went back and forth all over campus for more than 20 times starting at 7:00 AM - 5:00 PM. In the end, my friend and I found a loophole in their system and got something done. If we didn't we would've just wasted our time. And the worst part is, our college doesn't give a shit on how awful their system is. All they care about is the money they charge us, which have been a continuous issue since I got back. The school keeps charging me for the same one-time event fee that I'm not qualified to attend yet twice and you know what they do to correct it? They let you worry about the paper works, and make you do their job and then they just wait for it on their desk and stamp it, and make everyone think they did it. Bitches.

Weird

One...

Two...

Three...

I got a comment today in storywrite, from someone who was afraid of reading my stories because it scared him/her. My new work was about a person seeking someone she didn't know, and the comment I got was "weird". It was weird, because I wrote it without trying to make sense.

Weird...

Strange...

Odd...

I like these words for some reason. I think it's because they're not boring. Peculiar things challenges our thoughts as we try to understand them.

Crazy...can be good sometimes, if it can produce a masterpiece.

I plan to write something when I'm drunk to see what my mind is trying to scream. I want to write it with pure honesty and no boundaries.

Insane... everybody becomes one every now and then. We're just afraid to admit it.

Writing fiction is fun. Because you're allowed to lie.

Going Back and Starting Over

I hate having to say, back to square one. This is what I get for relying on other people and taking a break from work. Now I'm struggling to figure out how to fix someone else's mess. I decided to let it all go, and just do what I want to do. I'm tired of slowing myself down so the rest could keep up. If they're not going to try to put more effort in improving themselves then there's really nothing that can help them. They need to step up or get out. I might seem like I'm just ranting because I'm pissed, and that's partly true, but I am stating a fact. I'm not gonna pick up someone else's slack anymore. I'm tired, and I've worked my butt off to create something no one could come up with and with one thoughtless decision done without my consent, everything went down the toilet. The FREAKIN toilet!

I'm going to go back to where I started but this time I'm moving forward alone.

Please Join Me In An Experiment

I'm trying to research on the authenticity of easy automatic income, and I've chosen the web to start because almost everyone has access to it. I can count the people I know who doesn't have a Facebook account, so this experiment will utilize Facebook and another social networking site, Twitter. If this experiment becomes successful then it will generate income for both you and me, so keep reading.

So here's what I'm trying to prove. I want to prove if it's possible to make money work for you and not the other way around. My initial investment would be my computer. This is my asset, an income generating asset. There's really nothing difficult about this experiment. In fact, if you're viewing this blog, you're already part of it. Let me tell you how.

My site has a script that re-routes the viewer to an ad for 5 seconds. That automatically generates income for me. And if you click anywhere in my blog it will take you to another ad that you would view for another 5 seconds. But my income would depend on how many people would actually view and click on my blog, and that's really not enough to generate income big enough to fund my college tuition. This blog needs a high amount of visits to get me that kind of money.

But let me tell you this, my friend told me that she has a cousin that actually generates income from the same thing that's paying for her tuition plus more and it got me thinking. If you're a Korean drama and anime addict like me, then you must have visited some free streaming sites that has the same popout ads. That's probably what's getting them income. Traffic + clicks = $$$

But honestly, not everyone can create a streaming site like that without spending a few cash themselves. So here's what we're going to do. First you need either a Facebook account or a Twitter account or both. Then you need to sign up for this URL (website address) shrinker, by clicking the banner below.

Then all you have to do is whenever you have a link to share, shrink it first with this and anyone who clicks it on Facebook and Twitter will instantly earn you money. Also, please share this blog to other people to see if we can prove whether we can automatically generate income without trying. Thank you. ^_^

The List of Things I Want to Learn

I love studying, and I only began to love studying last summer after coming to realize that life is too short to just sit and be content with what it's giving me. There's so many things I want to do and become and I know I can't have all of them and I won't have some of them if I don't try. So I'm making a list of the things I want to learn and improve on:

1. 3d Animation
2. Flash Animation
3. Filming
4. Fiction Writing
5. Portrait Drawing
6. Programming
7. Marketing
8. Image Manipulation
9. Photography
10. Hip Hop Dancing
11. Singing
12. Guitar, piano and violin
13. Business Management
14. Entrepreneurship
15. Foreign Languages

There's a lot more, and I will extend this list once I fill my stomach with food. I just woke up so I need to eat breakfast first. I will blog more a little later. I'm going to focus on 2 things at the time and my first choice was 3d animation and then continue to learn Korean. I'd better plot my schedule for those 2.

I Have My Own Apprentice

I woke up early today, around 5:00 A.M. because I needed to get to campus around 8:00 A.M. Today they were handing out our report cards. Of course, before I actually got off bed and took a shower I did a little update on my other blogs. Anyway, my mind hasn't stopped working since Monday. I was stuck again.

I got on campus around 8:30 A.M. because my friend said she left home late and I wasn't willing to wait for her for half an hour. When we got to school we went straight to getting our report cards and arranged forms for our overnight religious rehabilitation (in my country, it's called Recollection, which I truly hate attending because aside from spending for something I don't want to do, the school forces you to accept Catholicism.)

After all that was done, my friend and I went to Chowking to celebrate getting good grades. Then we talked mostly about business and how difficult it was to come up with an opportunity. I took a picture of the Halo-Halo we ordered. ^_^

My friend and I are business partners, but the thing is, I have more experience and knowledge than her when it came to making good business decisions. So on that time of our celebration, I made a promise to teach her everything I know. She's a bit scared, because I told her I like to push people to their limits. I hope to get a positive push in return, because I hate working with people who easily give up just because the challenge is too difficult. So today I got my apprentice, and I should really be working on the things I should teach her. I wonder if she's doing what I told her to work on right now... I really hope so because in the end, her success is still up to her.

I'm Not Very Sociable Am I?

I remembered my first day in kindergarten. I was a quiet kid, but I was always the girl who ended up getting into fights. I didn't follow or copy the other kids, I liked doing things by myself and I didn't mind being surrounded by people as long as they left me alone. The kids in my class didn't like me very much, because there was this one popular girl who really hated me. She was used to getting what she wanted and everyone did what she wanted them to do--except me. I never liked following crowds, and I don't like being around crowds.

Up until now, I still don't mind being alone. I actually prefer it. I like doing things by myself and having people around just slows me down. Fortunately, I didn't grow up to become completely anti-social. I have good friends, but I have grown to become more picky in choosing people I trust. I started to believe that the less people I allow to be close to me, the less disappointment they'll bring.

Anyway, life has taught me that it's alright to rely on people but I don't rely on them more than I rely on myself. But sometimes I wonder, if I continue to be like this, would I be able to say the same things when the people who tries to come in my life stops knocking? It is a common saying, "be careful what you wish for." Will I truly be alright living the rest of my life by myself?

[TWITTER] 111018 Yoochun Twitter Update

Yoochun: I decided to play Zelda with Heo Jun-sshi today~!! It’ll be a bit easier if we solved the puzzles together, right? ^_^ it starts now!!!!

Source: @6002theMicky
Translation credit: @yookcheoni
Shared by: JYJ3

Asians in America's Best Dance Crew Season 6: Instant Noodles

I really love it when Asians get into ABDC. When season 6 aired in Jack TV, I was excited to see new talents and new mind-blowing choreography by the dance crews. In their one hour special premier, I always look out for Asian dance crews. Why? Duh! Asian dance crews rock. They are very creative and really entertaining. 

ABDC season 6 Asian dance crew was Instant Noodles, from Taiwan. I have to admit, I wasn't that fully impressed with their first performance as much as the other dance crews but I had good hopes for them. 

It was probably one of the reason, why I continue to watch season 6. I wanted to see them beat the other crews and prove my doubts wrong. I was disappointed when they got eliminated though, and I'm probably one of the few people who's disappointed that there are no more Asians for the rest of the show. After seeing Quest Crew, Poreotics, and Jabbawockeez, I was hoping Instant Noodles would wow the entire ABDC audience every week until they win the trophy, but I guess, I'll have to wait for season 7.

After 7 Months, I Find Myself Crawling Back

I thought that starting a new a blog in Wordpress meant a new beginning for me. But I find myself coming back to this blog. I feel like I can express myself more here than in WP. I haven't even updated my new blog for some weeks now.

Anyway, I've recently come face to face with a new disappointment. I realized that no matter how optimistic you force yourself to be about everything, when life knocks you down, it still hurts. I don't like blaming anyone, but I do believe that our fate is decided based on our own decisions, then one thing leads to another and the consequences sometimes sneaks up on you. I know there's no point in sulking, so I just have to put a giant band-aid on that wound and move on. It is, however, frustrating to think that you're finally getting what you want and then it gets snatched up right under your nose.

I do wish to write here what happened, but I feel like it would dig me deeper into the mess I'm in. I'll figure out a way to get around this problem, and if that doesn't work, I have two options, either turn back, or destroy the obstacle with a wrecking ball.