Another Day of Nothing, Another Night of Dreams

I've realized that as the days passed by I don't feel like I'm amounting into anything. Even if I'm studying my butt off, it seems like I'm not going anywhere, and I don't see myself heading for something great. I feel so idle, like I'm rotting as the world continues to rotate around our beloved sun.

Who would have thought that studying can make me feel so stagnant. I'm very much used to creating art. I love to write as you might have already noticed. I also love to draw as a lot of my friends know. Dealing with numbers everyday keeps me away from doing these things, and I feel like I'm trapped in some dimension I've created because of making the wrong choice with my course.

I don't want to back out, because I know that this is a big accomplishment for me if I graduate. But at the back of my head is a voice nagging me to quit and just do what I love. I feel completely empty as my major slowly sucks the life out of me. It takes up all my time even when I don't have classes for the day, the only thing I can think about is study.

I feel guilty whenever I indulge myself in art. It makes me think that I'm committing a crime because I'm neglecting my studies. But if I don't draw or write, I'm going to go mad. It's a necessity for me. These are my only outlet to release stress. But as of now, every time I try to relax, I don't enjoy my time anymore. What lingers in my brain is that voice saying I have no more time to relax, there's something I need to do, something important and this is wasting my time.

How can someone deal with that? My mind is telling me that I'm wasting my time doing the things I love in exchange for doing something I hate. I used to love my course, back when it was still...well...easy. Now, it has become a nightmare that haunts me even when I'm awake.

I need a few days off to find myself. I can't let this frustration cloud my mind. It's not healthy for anyone to hold back their dreams. My passion cannot be mine until I resolve my issue with what I really want to do. Will my parents understand and at to what extent? Is it too late to change my mind? And if I can, will I regret it?

Time sucks that way. You have no choice but to wait for that moment to come to see the result of your choice. For now, I shall ponder on these thoughts and hopefully resolve it as early as I can. Time is what I'm up against at the moment, I just hope I have enough left.